Three Little Pigs (THE REAPER VERSION)
Story and Illustration by TGREAPER © 2007
"You cheap fool!" Johnny snapped at his brother Wilbur, who was chewing on a piece of straw. "How much it cost you, fifty cents?"
"Like you have a lot to brag about, Mr. 'Pig of the Projects'!" Wilbur replied. Johnny's eyes dropped to the floor. Theodore, the third brother, walked in from his kitchen, the butler following close behind with a tray full of fresh slop. He pointed to an oak table and his servant obediently set the tray down.
"Gentlemen, the fact is, the wolf is out there, and while he is on the loose, there might be ....trouble. I open my doors to you." Theo held out his arms to hug Johnny, who snorted and raised his snout. Theo shrugged.
"Gentlemen, I have some business to discuss, if you will excuse me." At that he disappeared back into the other room.
"Why are you always like that with him?" Wilbur asked.
"Go back to your farm little piggy," Johnny replied, brushing past Wilbur on his way out the door.
Wilbur tried to follow but a pig in a pin strip suit blocked his way.
"Let him go little brother," a voice behind Wilbur said. He turned around and saw Theo standing in the doorway. "He made his decision, we must respect that."
Wilbur nodded and looked at his watch. "I should go, before it gets dark."
"The invitation stands."
"Okay. I'll go home and pack some stuff, be back in the morning."
Theo crossed the room with his arms outstretched. Wilbur wasn't the hugging type, but he didn't dare refuse his older brother. Theo embraced him tightly, his aftershave piping through Wilbur's snout. He felt strange, kind of like being hugged by the enemy.
Wilbur was nearly home when he heard the footsteps behind him. Without looking back he broke into a full run. He could hear the footsteps closing in on him as he crossed the cornfield. His straw hut was on the other side of the field, Wilbur could see it under the moonlight. He got inside and closed the door just as something heavy slammed into it.
"Little pig little pig! Open the door before I huff and I puff."
Wilbur knew it was the wolf. He braced his couch against the door.
"Go away wolf! I know Pig fu!"
"Open the door farm oinker! I'm getting hungry."
"Last chance wolf! I'll smack you so hard your Mama will howl!"
Wilbur heard the Wolf take a deep breath. Next thing he knew his hut was splintering and blowing all over the field. The wind was hot and so strong he had a hard time staying on his hooves. Then just as suddenly, it stopped. Wilbur stood frozen, staring into the eyes of death. The wolf was grinning ear to
ear."Dinner time," The wolf whispered. His fangs clamped around Wilbur's throat, ripping it from his body.
Wilbur was dead before he hit the ground.
Johnny was drinking a beer, watching some piglets playing in a mud puddle out his back window. The projects were hard, especially for pigs. A hard knock on the door surprised him, making him spill his beer on the carpeting.
"Damn!" He shouted, stomping across his house to the front door. He ripped the door open, expecting either a cop or punk. The Wolf stared at him, drool running off his fangs.
"Looks like I get to save my breath," he said, pushing Johnny inside and shutting the door.
Nobody heard him scream. The wolf spent the next hour drinking Johnny's beer while eating Johnny. He took a little nap before taking off to find the last of the Pig brothers.
It was after midnight when The Wolf arrived at Theo's estate. He hopped the back gate and tried to find an open window. He was a tough wolf, but he knew his limitations. There's no blowing down a brick house, and he knew Theo wouldn't be as stupid as Johnny and actually open the door for him.
Suddenly, the backyard filled with light. Lights were strung up all around. The wolf could see as if it was daytime. Unfortunately, so could the several pigs in pin striped suits carrying uzi's. Theo stepped out from behind some bushes, hands clasped behind his back. The wolf saw him and laughed.
"Ha! Finally! I can finish my dinner!" The wolf licked his lips.
"I heard from some associates that some unfortunate circumstance has befallen my brothers." His gaze was stone.
"Huh? What did you say?" The wolf looked thoroughly confused. Theo took a deep breath.
"Stupid animal."
"What!?!" The wolf could feel his blood boiling. "You want some of this pig boy? I am the big, bad wolf!
I eat pig for breakfast! Ask your brothers!"
As The wolf continued ranting, Theo looked around at his men, who seemed to be growing bored of all the theatrics.
"You want some of this!" The wolf continued. "You want a piece of me?"
"Splendid," Theo spoke up. "Gentlemen, I want him in pieces....but I want him alive."
The pigs nodded and leveled the gun barrels in unison. The yard erupted in bullets and blood as flesh and bone were torn from The wolf's body. When they were finished The wolf laid on his belly, stumps where his arms and legs used to be. Theo walked up to the quivering mass that killed his brothers, and
stuck his glock 19 into The wolf's mouth.
"Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?" Theo whispered, pulling the trigger and spraying his yard with a wet revenge.