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The Waterman's Song
Or
Curse of the Dead Zombie Pirates © 2007
by Adrienne Ray
Technical advisor: Joe Boulter



Listen, good readers, this tale I implore
Of the curse that plagues Virginia's Eastern Shore
Where long dead pirates watch cursed gold
And search for souls to trap and to hold
The Barrier Islands are Guardians of the Shore
Assateague, Hogg, Cedar and Paramour
They protect Virginia from the hurricanes' reach
But not from the grasp of Captain Edmund Teach
Or Blackbeard as all of his victim's billed him
'Twas Virginia he pillaged, 'twas Virginia that killed
him
And so his lost treasure lies buried on the shore
Of Assateague, Hogg, Cedar, or Paramour
If some luckless waterman finds this cursed gold
It will be in a chest that his boat cannot hold
If he goes back to the mainland to get a bigger one
When he returns to the island, the loot will be gone
And if he foolishly leaves someone with the gold
When he returns: lost treasure, lost shipmate- lost soul
A full moon shown over the Chesapeake
A full moon shown over Finney Creek
Old Lady Williams knew something was wrong
Her intuition told her she'd know what before long
Soon she heard the sound coming across the water
The sound of the roar of a mercury motor
She heard her son's voice desperately calling
Out of the midst as the night was falling
"Ma, I need your skills! Your grandson, Brian
Is lost to the curse of Paramour Island
Brian, my son, my idiot son
Said he'd wait with the treasure. When they came back he
was gone.
No one has ever returned from such a curse."
The old lady said, "Then don't make it worse.
Brian is gone. What's done is done."
"But this is my son. My only son.
If I can't save him, I will die trying."
"I'm glad you said that. Let's go find Brian.
But if we're to do this, one thing you must note
You're going to need a mighty fine boat."
"I got one, Ma and she's a good'un
Her hull's made of fiber glass, not wooden
She's a good twenty footer- a Chincoteague scow
She used to burn oil but I fixed that now."

Ah, the waterman's boat...
The boat's name was Sheezabichen
She hailed out of Hell's kitchen
To make blood money for
 The drug runner's trade
An honest woman he made her
A new paint job he gave her
At the auction that cost him
Three week's salary paid
..what a boat she was!
So they went, waterman and grandmother
On a quest done by no other
He wondered if all her potions would be too much to handle
But all she brought with her were her bell, Book and candle
"I no longer use magic ," she said with a smirk
"It's just not acceptable in the First Baptist Church.
I was a little afraid I might have to conjure
Some spells but I guess not. Looky yonder."
He saw three young women, radiant and fair
Three feet above water, floating in air
Guardian demons of the Barrier Islands
She cried, "Which one of you tramps has seen our boy,
Brian?"
One witch rose up, her hands turned to claws
She brought into being the most perfect of squalls
The seas took to rolling, the boat took to pitching
They were trying to capsize the ship, Sheezabichen
"Oh, Waterman, waterman, how good is your boat?
I'll bust it into pieces as big as a moat!"
"My boat is as good as my own two hands
I know I will beat you. I know that I can!"
"Oh, Waterman, waterman, how strong is your nerve
I'll shake you to pieces with each dip and swerve."
"My nerves are as good as these eyes in my head
I know I can do this. That's what I said."
"Oh, Waterman, waterman, how strong is your heart?
You're well over forty. I'll rip it apart."
The Waterman said, "I'll own this day
My heart lies in Paramour. Get out of my way!"
The witch said, "You two are out of your league
You and this ship out of Wachapreague"
The old woman said, "Your bloodlust will go unrequited
You're messing with a member of Church Women United!"
The old woman raised her candle high
And said, "I'm not afraid to die!"
In her other hand she held The Book
She said, "You take a long hard look!"
For the witch's own winds rang the bell
And sent the demons back to hell
The winds died down, the sea grew calm
With the reading of the Shepherd's Psalm
And on the beach of Paramour Island
They saw the cursed pirates- and their captive, Brian
They loaded their ship with the cursed treasure chest
The chest that brought so many such unrest
Their Captain, Blackbeard or else Edmund Teach
Puffed himself up to begin a bold speech
"Oh, look, it's the Waterman and his mother the
witch!"
He leered at her and said, "What's up, b-"
"Don't call me bad names! You don't even know me!
I'm Christian now!"
He smiled and said, "Show me!"
"I'll show you what you won't want to see
How your treasure is not all you think it should be
Look here! Will wonders never cease
It seems your treasure's shy one piece!"
She held up a coin so bright and golden
And said, "Looky here at what I'm holdin'
A treasure cursed has lost its power
If it is but one coin lower
Unless the treasure is complete
It will never seem so sweet
I bought this coin on Swap Shop on WESR"
She threw the coin in the water and the pirates yelled
"ARRRRGHH!!!!"
They lept in the water after their only joy
She yelled at Brian, "Come to me, boy!"
"Grandma, I'm scared. I'm too scared to come."
"Jump in the water, don't be so dumb!"
But he wouldn't so she said to his father,
"Save your son!" and he jumped in the water
Brian yelled, "What the heck's wrong with him?
You know and I know that he can't swim!"
The Waterman would do anything to save his kid
He didn't know how to swim but Brian did
So Brian jumped in to save his father
And pulled his old man out of the water
By now Captain Blackbeard  had come up for air
And was clutching the coin he'd found down there
He cried, "I knew you were a liar the first time I see'd
ya
This coin carries the image of Sacajawea!
This old lady takes whatever she can from me
The last coin she used was a Susan B. Anthony!"
She said, "Oh quit complaining you dusty old fart!
You must know cursed zombie pirates aren't very smart!"
Just for fun  she dumped $17.50 from her purse
And they had to go get it- because of the curse
So as the pirates dove because they had to
The Sheezabichen took off for home and was glad to
The old lady watched her son from where she sat
And said, "What kind of name is that?
To name a ship so weatherly
And a good story it better be."
"The ship is named for the love of my life
My son's mother- my own dear wife
Because whether I'm out crabbing or fishing
I'm sure she's home and I'm sure Sheezabichen."
So, as the family headed home
Brian said, "I'd like to put this in a poem
Of course no one on the Eastern Shore will print it
Because I do believe it has cussing in it
Perhaps I'll put this poem on line
They might print a poem like mine."
His grandmother said, "Let me tell you , sonny
You'll never make a lot of money
Someone might read it, nothing more
But they might remember the Eastern Shore."
Which is a good place to live if you'd like to try it
As long as you're not a dead zombie pirate
Otherwise, come on over to Virginia's Eastern Shore
And the islands, Assateague, Hogg, Cedar and Paramour

Let me add an author's note:
Don't put things too heavy in your boat
If ever a great treasure you find
And think the weight your boat won't mind
There is a fact that you must measure
Your life is the more perfect treasure
If nothing else you take from this poem
Better you than treasure should come home