Still
by Devin Guzman © 2008
I still see the flames from the fireplace
dance in your eyes, as we spin each other 'round
singing random songs,
drunk on each others love,
and a shared glass of red wine
whose rim is kissed,
with the subtle rose pink tint
of the lipstick you wore,
and also left upon my right cheek
placed there as you wispered "Do you know how wonderful you are?"
then threw your arms around me,
And laughed.
I still see the light of mornings first rays,
and then, understanding why they named them so
as they poured through the blinds,
and splashed your face,
while your head lay upon my chest
worried that the deep breath I just took,
seeing your beauty in that light,
would cause you to wake
and you would see that tear on my cheek
and ask sleepily, 'Whats wrong?"
and I would stammer out a, "nothing.. your wonderful"
to which you always replied "No, just a girl"
as I would run my fingers through your hair
you in turn, would, ever so gently
begin to run your had across my chest
almost mimicking my strokes
and I would say "No, my girl",
and you would giggle, and pinch me
and I knew, I wasnt dreaming.
I still take the walk,
from the shop where would get our coffee,
down the flower lined street
you in your black coat, and I in mine
on those chilly mornings
and I would end up holding both cups,
as you needed both hands
to hug me as we walked
and you would tell me the name
af each flower we passed
asking me first, if I knew the name
which of course you knew I did not,
and then with a child like glee
you would almost sing their names
and always, we'd stop at the litttle white house
with the rose bush that had grown over the fence
pausing, to look at me, you would say, smiling
"You know, roses are for love?"
and then you would squeeze my chest
wrinkle your nose
stare into my eyes
and take my breath away
I still smell, the nutty aroma of the wheat bagles you loved
sliced thinly and spread with olive oil and herbs
as they baked to a crisp in the oven,
I hurried to make you "snacks"
as you showered after work
using anything at all in the fridge
to create something delicious, for you
just so I could see that smile
When you walked out,
a towel around your head
giving you a sip of wine
and the first bite
you would say "Oh my gosh, who are you?"
and I'd say, teasing you, "just a boy"
and you would whisper in my ear
"No, not just".
I still hear
the dull roar of a wooden ball
rolling down the skee ball lane
then up into the rings,
and you, so sure you would win every game
and I was so sure win or lose, I won
becuase I was with you again
and I took all the cupons from us both
like a child, made you wait outside for me
As I chose your prize
counting out the cupons, just enough
for a heart sticker and eraser
and, a pretend gold ring,
making you earn each prize on the walk back
stopping every so often for a kiss,
first the sticker, then the eraser
then the ring, too small for your finger
so you wore it on your little toe,
and I thought no diamond ring
would a better wedding band have made
I still remember
all the points between here, and there, and now
and the night and the reason
you gave for not being able to "do this" anymore
and by "this", you meant me
and by me, you meant us
and by us, you meant forever
and I thought this was pretty great
but you wanted that, not this
and I dont know how I made it
down the stairs
from where the fireplace was, now cold and empty
like the chill in my spine and the pit in my stomach,
and the only spins 'round
were the ones from my head, now reeling
and remembering every step toward the door
the only thing louder than each step
was the pounding of my heart in my ears,
and the heaviness of of the world
as I tried to lift my keys off the ring below yours
and making enough noise, so as you would hear me taking them
which usually elicited "Have a nice day cutie"
but now was met with crushing silence,
and all I heard was my opening the door
and a pause for the "wait, please stay"
and the nothing that followed
and the thunderclap
that was the door closing
behind me, and on us.
I still see,
I still hear,
I still taste,
I still smell,
I still feel,
I still sense,
I still,
You.