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Illustrated by Lee Kuruganti © 2008

Final Escape

© J.A. Laraque

Her eyes strain to open. A bright light fights its way inside and brings a rush of pain behind it. The cold floor of her bathroom reminds her where she is. The warmth of her own blood flowing down her face makes clear what has happened. Soft fingers feel torn flesh. It makes her sick to her stomach. Slowly rising to her feet she notices the shattered bathroom mirror.

She is unable to make out her own image in the reflection of the shattered glass. Shards from the mirror spread across the floor tells her everything she needs to know. Her forehead slammed against the mirror with great force and anger. She can only stand there thinking, unable or unwilling to stop the bleeding. Her blood swirling down the drain rekindles the feelings inside her.

Her heart races knowing she has to escape this house, before more harm is done. Now is the time to run. Franticly rushing down the stairs she knows she will never see this house again. Making her way to the kitchen, she only stops to catch her breath and wipe the blood for her eyes.

Every breath taken is in agony, holding her side she does not know what other injury she may have sustained. Her eyes dart over to the kitchen counter. The nearly empty bottle of alcohol and prescription pills marks how the story of the night began. The only sounds she can hear are her own, but her instincts tell her to leave as quickly as possible.

Pushing forward against the wooden door, she prays her problems do not follow her into the night. The rush of winter air cuts through her body causing her to shiver. Cold wet snow and frozen earth stings the soles of her bare feet. Darkness surrounds her as she pulls her robe tighter against her body and pushes on towards her car.

The old rusting vehicle lies almost hidden beneath the snow. Her emotions beg her to take one last look at the home behind her, but her mind commands her arm to brush away the snow. Her head throbs, her vision blurs, but she has no choice, she must flee from here. Sheer determination givers her strength to pull the heavy door open.

The car is littered with various bottles of alcohol, more memories of a life she is desperate to escape. Her hands shake as she sticks her keys in the ignition. She can only hope it will start or everything ends here. There is not much fuel left, but it is enough to take her where she needs to go. Closing her eyes she takes a deep breath and turns the ignition.

  The vehicle struggles to start. A wave of panic sets in, fearing she may not be able to escape. Over and over she slams her foot against the gas pedal until it final turns over. The car jerks, not yet ready to move, but there is no time to wait, it is time to leave.   The light from the headlamps barely shines through the snow that covers them. Shifting into reverse she turns her head away from the house where so much suffering has been endured for so long.   She vows it will never happen again she will never return.

The small path leading from her house is a slow ride. The way has not been cleared and is covered with snow. There are no street lights here, but it does not matter. She knows exactly where she is going, where she can find peace.   Reaching the main road she knows freedom is at hand. It begins to snow, the roads are slick and the snow covering her car has not yet melted.

Her eyes strain to look ahead. The windshield wipers just blur the windows further. This does not matter to her, she increases her speed, and she will not be stopped. This was the only choice to make. She knows deep inside she should have done this long before. To have stayed in that house so long, to suffer for all that time is the definition of madness.

Looking into the rear view mirror she can see her wound has stopped bleeding. However, she is not concerned about her wounds, but with the person she was before her happiness was ripped away from her. The memory of the love she felt, the love she had wanted since her parentʼs death. The feeling of a loving touch by a man she could call her own. Someone who would be with her always and made her feel whole.

Like the dead frozen trees outside she now feels barren and cold. It has been years since sheʼs felt at peace. She longs to be loved again as the trees long to feel the warmth of the sun. All that is left for her now is emptiness and her fading memories. The pleasantness of the past has been replaced with the pain of the present. This pain must end even if it means leaving the only place she has known and heading out into the unknown.

She grits her teeth thinking about the drinking and the abuse she has experienced firsthand. Tightening her grip on the steering wheel, she pushes the car even further. The engine roars as the vehicle races down the dark road reaching the turn before the bridge leading out of town. This route has been traveled a hundred times, she knows it well.

Beyond the turn past the wall of trees lays the city. A curve she has done easily before in any type of weather, but tonight is different. The car slides into the turn, she slams on the breaks and look out towards the lights of the city, they reflect off her eyes. The vehicle slides off the road crashing through the guard rail. She doesnʼt scream or panic as the car falls off a small cliff into the icy water below.

The car easily breaks through the thin sheet of ice, plunging deep into the freezing dark water, soon it will rush in.   She wishes to escape, not from the car, but from life. While the act may look to be one of insanity she knew exactly what she was doing. This was not an accident, but a decision. Her thoughts clear allowing her to remember the man she once loved. How she knew from day one that he was special. The feeling wasnʼt fleeting. His touch, the way she felt in his arms, his kiss. After years of loneliness her feelings were awakened.

The freezing water begins pouring in quickly snapping her back into reality. She does not want to return there. Closing her eyes she blocks out the pain. Reflecting on the good times she had with him brings her warmth. It was not long before they stood together on their wedding day. He looked into her eyes and promised to love her forever. Why must the ultimate price of love be sorrow? All things must end, is the one constant she knows. Hypothermia sets in as the water rises to chest level. Unable to feel her legs she knows her time is short.

The home from which she so desperately fled was once the first step in a dream. Moving from the city they purchased the rustic home in the country in order to better raise their future children. The only regret she had was that her parents were not alive to see what they had built for themselves. Now she thinks about how they would have accepted the aftermath.

Her body is shutting down. With no strength left and the car quickly filling, she can no longer keep her head above water. There is nothing left to do, but let go. Pressing her lips together she kisses this life goodbye.   There is just enough time, enough air in her lungs to remember her final day of happiness.

The beautiful fall afternoon was a perfect time to bask in the glory of the changing seasons. While she was more interested in watching the leaves turn than fishing. She was happy just to be by his side, to make him happy. As he fished from the bridge she dipped her toes in the cool water from the shore below, happy to see him at joy. He loved to stand up there. Looking ahead of him, the city where they met and looking behind him, the town where they now lived. He called it his gateway bridge and in the middle was the place where he could center himself.

They could talk about anything while waiting upon the bridge for a bite from the fish below. She would only leave his side for a few momentsʼ to enjoy the water. Kneeling down in the tall grass she would cup her hands filling them with water. With a splash she would be refreshed. Closing her eyes she took it all in.

The peaceful bliss was shattered by the sounds of a gunshot. The sound echoed through the area.. As if shot herself she fell backwards into the grass. Her eyes opened just in time to see her husband fall over the side of the bridge into the water below.

Her screams tore through the air as she rushed out towards him. Beyond her cries and splashing of the water she could hear a car screeching away. He lied face down in the water. A diluted crimson ring surrounded his body. She pulled his head from the water and with every ounce of her strength pulled him back to the shore. Laying him in the grass she desperately looked for any sign of life. There was no pulse. His body was already turning cold. The wound in his chest was massive. She did not know what if anything could be done to save him.

She did not want to leave his side. The police and rescue official arrived, but they were too late. She sat holding him in her arms rocking back and forth. The life inside him was gone and with it everything that made her whole. The investigation found no motive for the murder and no suspect was ever uncovered. With the funeral over she withdrew from the few friends she had. They tried to comfort her, but they could never understand that on that day she lost everything.

Time did not heal her wounds. The town and her friends continued on with their lives as she struggled with living from day to day. With the feeling of loneliness now returned coupled with guilt over not being on the bridge with him lead her into a deep depression. A deadly cocktail of an empty home and a full alcohol bottle only made matter worse. Her prescribed drugs only served to pull her deeper into the abyss of her living hell.

Her mind turned against her, showing her images from the corner of her eyes. Shadows and sounds tormented her as she knew no one was there and no one was coming back. The night was her worst enemy. Her dreams would be filled with his screams and cries for help. Trapped in darkness she could do nothing, but listen and watch. Reliving the moment of his death over and over caused her to turn away from sleep. With a blink of her eye she could see him standing there calling her home to him.

Any blame she felt was from within. No one faulted her for what happed. There was no punishment to be administered. Denying herself food and water she convicted herself in the court of her mind. She grew to believe she deserved to suffer, to be in pain, and to be alone. Cut off from any human contact was not enough. She believed she deserved more, much more.

Emotional pain was not enough and soon it became physical. It started with a slap across the face whenever she felt sorry for herself. From there it turned to self-mutilation. With each cut she hoped she would slowly bleed to death. As the days continued the voices became louder. On the anniversary of his death she remained in bed hoping the day would quickly pass.

There was no peace for her, in her home or within life itself. Unable to remain in her room any longer she found herself standing in the bathroom. She would ignore the voices no longer. There was only one course to take. Turning to leave she catches her reflection in the mirror. Sorrow is slain by rage.

Violently she slams her head against the mirror.. Her knees buckle, she falls to the floor hitting the side of her body against the bathtub. Temporary unconsciousness does not wipe away the memories. As the blood runs down her face, her destiny is clear.

Her body shuts down. Opening her eyes she takes a final look up at the moon above. The voices have been silenced, she has accomplished her goal. Her life has reached its end, freedom is at hand, and her final escape is complete.