Illustrated by Lee Kuruganti © 2008
The Seeker
© by Nigel Bruton
From where I stood, I could see the road winding down the hill. I was on my way up.
One morning I awoke and it hit me what a great life I had. I'd been in Costa Rica for about three months. I was young, strong and single and to top it off I was surrounded by beautiful Costa Rican women. I put on my shorts and sandals, grabbed a tee shirt and headed for the beach. I still had an hour to be at work and the sun was already high in the sky. On my way back from my walk I sat on a rock, still in the midst of my thankful mood. I looked out at the surf and took in the beauty all around me. "Man this is heaven!" I said out loud and stood up. I started walking along the beach then realized that I'd forgotten my shirt. Whoops, I might need that I thought and headed back to get it. I picked it up from between the branches of a yellow stemmed weed. The leaves were teardrop shaped and on each was a dark spot at the tip that resembled a spider of some sort, just another wondrous thing in this strange, beautiful place. I picked up my shirt and shook it off. Underneath was a poster printed in English. Part of the writing was blurred and unreadable, what I could read said, "Now you've found this, come and meet us. You'll be glad you did". Beneath was a drawing of a belly dancer with a wide smile.
I looked at it as I pulled on my shirt then carried it with me to work. My boss stopped by my desk about ten minutes after I arrived, his shadow covering my computer screen. I looked up to face him. "Kyle," I said and pushed my chair away from the desk. "Tell me you have a new assignment for me, please. This real estate reporting is making me dizzy."
"Something new in Coco Beach ?" He said and picked up the poster lying on my desk, ignoring my plea. "What's this?"
"Oh, just an idea I'm working on, a kind of 'what's happening on the singles scene' type of thing." I replied, making the most of an unplanned opportunity.
"Hmm, sort of fuzzy on the details isn't it? He questioned, looking at the blurred writing at the bottom.
"Yeah well I'm gonna work on that tonight."
"Tell you what; you've got till five o'clock to find out something on this new theme of yours. This might be a good idea. Make it happen!" And with that he left the office.
I felt a rush of excitement and picked up the poster. I stared at the picture of the belly dancer and before I knew it, Kyle was standing in my doorway again. "Haven't you left yet?" He questioned.
"Yeah, on my way boss." I looked at the clock; it was eleven o'clock already. I walked from the "Tico Times" building and down the dusty road towards the beach, looking for the same poster, one that was legible. I couldn't read a date on my poster, so for all I knew it could have been an old one. I couldn't find any more and so my curiosity grew.
I stopped in at the Gringo Bar and ordered a cerveza and a ham sandwich for lunch. I asked the waiter if he knew of this poster. He studied it, inquired about the blurry part and then shook his head.
I finished my lunch and had another beer, then walked up to Anna, the waitress and asked her the same question. She stared at the picture of the dancer and then handed it back to me in a hurry. "I have to work. Sorry I don't know of this place." Her usual smile was replaced with a blank stare. I felt her anxiety and asked her what was wrong. She lowered her eyes for a moment and then left without further explanation, embarrassed or fearful, I couldn't tell which.
I went back to the office to make some phone calls and set the poster down on the desk. As I reached towards the phone, I happened to see the picture of the belly dancer, through the magnifying lamp. Something stood out. I lowered the magnifier over the picture and brought into focus a tattoo on her ankle. It was a picture of a pair of demon eyes. They touched each other and so formed an infinity sign, like a sideways eight. Within each eye were the numbers 11. Above and below the eyes some words were written. Now I was intrigued. I adjusted the lamp over the tattoo and copied down the words onto a notepad.
If you must then you will see
If you see then you will be
Around the words were woven stands of barbed wire. Droplets of blood dangled from the barbs. I pushed the lamp away and sat back. "Wow!" I said, shocked at my discovery. I picked up the poster, this time looking at it without the magnifying lamp. I stared closely at the tattoo. Now I could make out the words without effort. I looked into the eyes of the demon, hypnotized in the moment. I had to know more; nothing else seemed to matter.
I wandered from my desk deep in thought and nodded at Kyle on the phone as I passed his open door; he turned in his chair not noticing my mood. I wandered farther down the street, walking slowly like everyone else, blending in to all the other wandering tourists. At the beach I retraced my steps back to the rock where I found the poster earlier in the day. There I stood, alone on the deserted stretch of beach, the yellow stemmed plant at my feet. I looked down at the leaves as they moved towards me. The inky spot at the tip of the leaf left a trail of black dye as its thorns passed over my flesh. The cool ground turned suddenly to quick-sand swirling over my feet. I began to sink. I put up no resistance as I was swallowed up. My arms raised and my body turned. All went dark as my head was covered. The roots of the weed pulled me down as its inky blood seeped through its skin and into mine. I sank deeper into the coolness but never feared for my life. I knew now that my life as it was, was to be no more. My essence I would give up, just to know the meaning, not once regretting my presence here, for here were bigger and better things, things for only the truly curious to see. I had to see, to know more, my hunger had to be fed. Finally I stopped sinking and opened my mouth. The sand and soil poured in and with it the knowledge of the universe, so much knowledge. The sand filled my ears and nostrils. Breath did not matter for the knowledge filled me like oxygen. My mind glowed and my veins bubbled. The coolness of the sand turned slowly to heat as the knowledge compressed within me. Time, before and after, history and the future was one in the same. Memory became visions of times to come, and all became nothing.
***
I awoke in the shade at the base of a vine-wrapped tree. The sounds of the rainforest were all around me. I lay there on my back breathing slowly, staring up at the canopy of green. Gradually I stood and looked down at my feet and the dark ink-spot upon my ankle. The floor of the forest was soft but firm. Walking slowly I made my way to the road and looked left towards the ocean, then right towards the mountain and beyond.
The knowledge that entered my body devoured itself in a fantastic feeding frenzy. Did it really happen? I find myself asking the same question. We rush into ancient places seeking adventure and change. Sometimes the knowledge we seek seeks us out too. Was it there all the time within me? Did it pass through me? Is there a stream of 'before and after' contained within itself, floating through the universe, out there to be found? Ask and you may find what you came looking for, or it may find you.
