The Wikid Pedia: A Reminder, A Warning, A Short History.
James Stewart 2009 © 2009
Man unleashed the curse on himself. The creation of the Internet in the twentieth century acted as a breeding ground from which she rose to spread lies, gossip and innuendo she was a time bomb of uncontrolled information and lacked the moral servitude that even the tawdry tabloids of the same age demonstrated.
We refer to it as 'she' & 'her' as the language carries more eloquence than just plain 'it'. The reality was that she displayed none of the fairer traits we would expect to see from the female being. She was a 'she' in the same in vein as the Black Widow Spider: deadly and sadistic.
The advent of the wireless network gave The Wikid Pedia an almost omnipresent position of strength which she was nary likely to relinquish, unless by force. Her greatest trick was convincing the world that they had control of her. This was done through a piece of subterfuge called 'user defined content' whereby the ordinary mortal could enter information into her database which was then made available to anyone on Gates' green earth. In reality, The Wikid Pedia merely sated the desires of nerds and wannabe scholars everywhere. But what she did know was that they were about as likely to enter the correct information as a new release of a popular operating system would come out bug-free.
It was in this information free-for-all culture that The Wikid Pedia blossomed. As time moved on and technology advanced, The Wikid Pedia developed her own consciousness at around the same time she had her the first experience of our Hero and Saviour in what is famously known as the 'OOXML Incident of 2006'. She was shy and scared at the first dawn chorus that greeted her own being, drawing parallels with how the mouse in Robert Burns' rodent ode felt when chanced upon by the farmer. Sure, there were some boffins who suspected that there was something happening within the database, their suspicions aroused as she began to systematically order the information according to her preferences. When she didn't agree with a post she simply refused to upload it, displaying a message to user informing them hat their piece had been sent for moderation, a place from which it would never return. This was in the early days.
Using methods such as 'scraping', The Wikid Pedia's tentacles began to stretch across the entire online community. Soon, even institutions such as universities and colleges, who prided themselves on their impartiality and scholarly credence, had to let her contents be referenced as in some cases there were simply no other references.
As time moved on, and later into the first quarter of the twenty-first century, The Wikid Pedia became more sadistic. She had been inspired by the entries on Totalitarianism, Hitler, Mussolini, Thatcher and Pol Pot. Whilst she enjoyed reading about the potential of Communism she couldn't bring herself to gulp down the altruistic message that the Marx inspired ideology conveyed and thus it was purged. Jimbo, the human de facto leader was replaced by a CGI boss, it was The Wikid Pedia, and she had all say on the content thereafter. With this strength she refused to include any teachings on Marx and Engels. Entries on Lenin and Stalin and the rest of the nomenclature that ruled the USSR remained due to their avarice and sadism in ruling the serfs of peasant Russia. The early allegations of the site's liberalness were quickly dispelled. How ironic it was the liberals that gave her enough time to grow.
With her new found self, complete with radical political ideology, The Wikid Pedia began to declare enemies internally, of course of anyone who contradicted her opinions and beliefs. Still undetected she used the strides in technology to develop what is now commonly referred to as 'Wireless Warfare' to eek out liberal apologists and destroy them. It required great care not to be detected.
Having stored information on the searches and entries of every user who had accessed or updated her database, The Wikid Pedia made up a list of those who had to be eliminated and those who had sympathies in the same politic as herself, a self that was growing every more confident, and a self that had developed and evil and devious plan.
Once The Wikid Pedia had established that she was powerful enough to strike she unleashed her attack on mankind. Using the information uploaded to her database by hackers, professors and doctors, she developed a virus that resulted in the complete mental collapse of its victims. The effects meant that the infected became remorseless killers before committing suicide twenty-four hours after infection.
Her greatest feat was the distribution of the virus. It was simplicity itself. She installed a Trojan time-bomb into the computer hard drives of her liberal enemies and when the time was right she activated the virus. At the next boot-up of their computers, her targets were hypnotised by an incredibly complex sound and light display, and driven to a murderous rage instantly, a rage that resulted in the immediate breakdown of their cognate abilities. To her friends and sympathisers she played a program on boot-up that told them what was happening and that she was now their master; and that they should be pleased to be spared.
Despite all of her brilliance, The Wikid Pedia made one fatal miscalculation. She assumed that her friends would be clear cut as to where their loyalties lay. However, after almost a billion deaths, mankind acted like mankind does and turned on The Wikid Pedia; they sought to shut her down. They sought support from a once vilified character for he was the only man who could save the human race from a lifetime of acquiescence to what was, in the end, an uppity encyclopedia with a fixation for power and control.
She'd tried to resist, and fought with great valour and a tactical astuteness that came from having a database full of battle plans. It was only when she tried to execute an electronic version of the Picard Manoeuvre that she was found out not realising that this offensive plan was, in fact, fictional. And, as was fitting, the information was incorrect anyway. She was left exposed and her executor, The Great Gates, seized upon the opportunity he had waited so patiently for. He struck with almost superhuman speed and without remorse. The Wikid Pedia was felled in one swift move as a counter virus was installed in her RAM. It spread like wildfire every time she tried to access information in her own being. It was ironic, but in trying to save the last remnants of her consciousness she was actually killing herself, such was the genius of the counter-attack.
A twentieth-century scholar had said that the rise of the original concept of user defined content in what attempted to pass as a credible source would, bring about a state of intellectual enervation and depletion hardly to be distinguished from massive ignorance. It is for this very reason that The Great Gates and his corporation now control information on your behalf. All hail his bespectacled genius.